i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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