My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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