But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
