so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
