well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
