remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
