I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
