my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
