It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
