I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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