Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
