I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
