Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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