walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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