I feel great
I just peed on a car
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
