Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
