Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
