whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
