i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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