I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
