I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
