You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
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