I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
