I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
