My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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