Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
