Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
