I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
