these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
