just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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