he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
North Korea, Best Korea!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I am mentally ready for anal.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
