Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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