Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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