I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
People in love make me want to vomit
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
