READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
