Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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