It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
