My first STD was from a foam party
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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