Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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