My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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