I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
