I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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