If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
