If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
