it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
