living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
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