So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Randomize
