oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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