I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
