i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
