I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.