i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world