the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
True strength comes from lack of pants
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance