I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."