And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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