I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
