Texts From Last Night

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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis

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  (952): i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis http://tfl.nu/alsr
  Replies (18) Good night (3223) Bad night (924)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.

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  (301): Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life. http://tfl.nu/ieq0
  Replies (5) Good night (728) Bad night (3445)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"

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  (484): You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?" http://tfl.nu/prc0
  Replies (8) Good night (3650) Bad night (1015)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions

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  (203): As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions http://tfl.nu/qlm8
  Replies (7) Good night (4201) Bad night (1030)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes

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  (208): No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes http://tfl.nu/t8pf
  Replies (7) Good night (1151) Bad night (2752)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with

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  (208): My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with http://tfl.nu/1h68
  Replies (5) Good night (1662) Bad night (695)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.

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  (313): Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins. http://tfl.nu/hjt3
  Replies (8) Good night (736) Bad night (1630)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.

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  (847): I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina. http://tfl.nu/1g8w
  Replies (8) Good night (816) Bad night (1498)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.

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  (440): Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car. http://tfl.nu/ebaa
  Replies (6) Good night (2576) Bad night (926)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real

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  (313): My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real http://tfl.nu/i6cc
  Replies (3) Good night (885) Bad night (636)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...

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  (910): The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video... http://tfl.nu/iq5u
  Replies (5) Good night (2337) Bad night (584)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.

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  (919): Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka. http://tfl.nu/j4b1
  Replies (4) Good night (668) Bad night (784)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."

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  (617): I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..." http://tfl.nu/x7hv
  Replies (1) Good night (757) Bad night (399)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.

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  (902): I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken. http://tfl.nu/cx45
  Replies (3) Good night (759) Bad night (343)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?

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  (714): Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top? http://tfl.nu/jf8l
  Replies (2) Good night (578) Bad night (378)

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