Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(757): View more from Virginia

So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof

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(561): View more from Florida

My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.

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(606): View more from Kentucky

I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.

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(530): View more from California

Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(865): View more from Tennessee

Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.

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(417): View more from Missouri

Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.

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(863): View more from Florida

I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.

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(530): View more from California

I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?

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(703): View more from Virginia

He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.

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