She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
