Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
