If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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