Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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