she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
