I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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