So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
