the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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