from now on my penis is your penis
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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