well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
