11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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