The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She's the barista slut.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Randomize
