I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
