Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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