Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
