Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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