Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
