my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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