I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
