My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
