yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
