The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
