Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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