So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize