I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
