last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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