oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
