I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
