Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I believe in your delicious
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
