You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
