Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
As shirtless as possible
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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