Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
