Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
